if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
