you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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