i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
