yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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