so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
