Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
