Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
