I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
