Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
