How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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