Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
