It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
