Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You can't just leave with hair like that
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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