Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
