Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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