Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
