it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
