I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
