I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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