I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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