another moral hangover. fuck.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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