i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
