just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
