matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I believe in your delicious
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
