Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
