I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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