I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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