i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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