she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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