Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
