I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
