I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
