You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
