So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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