I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
no you cant smoke seaweed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
