I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
