me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize