walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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