i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
