Got a toothbrush?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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