just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
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Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper