Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?