What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
