I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
