i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Did I show you my penis last night?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
