She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
