I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We are all done wearing pants today
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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