The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize