Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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