You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
