Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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