My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
