Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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