Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize