textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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