Sponge bath it is.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
