Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
