Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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