walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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