I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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