hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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