6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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