once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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