It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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