Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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