went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
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Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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