his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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