Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
