someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
