i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
