new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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