and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
