She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
