i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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