I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
