they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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